“Why fit in when you were born to stand out”~Dr. Seuss
Let's talk about this amazingly beautiful paradox where we all want to fit in and want to be unique in this world.
Did you know that standing out actually helps you fit in?! Follow me here. When we are authentic, we stand out in the crowd we are amongst. This might be the crowd of our family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, etc. When we allow our true self to shine through, it leads us to find the groups where we do fit in, which is a need.
Psychologist William Glasser discusses one of the basic human needs as to “feel a sense of belonging”. In the hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is the 3rd basic need after physiological and safety needs. Cognitive behavioral compassion theory recognizes that mammals survive in community. What happens when we have such an ingrained human need, as well as the need to know we are uniquely made? ...
According to the paper from Claire Costello, Managing Director of Philanthropic Solutions at Bank of America and Jackie VanderBrug, Head of Sustainable and Impact Investment Strategy in the Chief Investment Office for Merrill and Bank of America Private Bank, up to 93% of women give to charity or volunteer, compared to 80% of men. This shows that the vast majority of women care about giving back, whether that is with their time or money.
These numbers honestly don't surprise me. Even with women making $0.82 to every $1 men are making, we still give more. The paper from Costello simply reinforces the fact that women are playing a central role in the charitable giving space.
Here are just a few examples of women all over the world who are giving:
"I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child. I did not consider that the past might have a need for me."~ from the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
For some of us, our past is the last place we want to visit. So instead, we run from it. We run into relationships, jobs, food, excessive exercise, gambling, drinking, promiscuity, excessive dieting, excessive overachieving. You name it, we try it. We try everything and anything to avoid the feelings, experiences, and hurts of our past.
How do I know this? I was a marathon runner when it came to dealing with my past. I was lost, lonely, confused, hurt, and scared when I was a kid. I hated myself to the point of self mutilation and bulimia. I just didn't know how to exist in this life. And I used to blame everyone else for my pain.
My parents truly did the best they could...
Personal and professional expansion is such an amazing, beautiful, and hard process. It is one filled with ALL of the emotions. While we push past the limiting beliefs that generations of family and society has placed on us, there is fear.
Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being alone, fear of losing those you love because they don't understand or agree with you. I have gone through all of these fears in my head over and over for a decade before making my leap.
I continue to move through them as I continue to expand and dream.
As we sell our home to move back to New York from Georgia after almost 20 years, another layer of limiting beliefs show up.
The tricky part is that these are not my limiting beliefs, but husband's.
As I dream bigger, he contracts. He wants to build his dream house and I agree with two conditions...it must be on the water and it must be over an acre . He begins telling me I am dreaming too...
"There's not enough hours in the day." "There's not enough time in the day." "I just don't have the time."
We all know the time scarcity mindset. Just admit it. You have said at least one of these lines, if not all of them, at least once in your life. And if we are being completely honest, probably multiple time per day. We say it. We hear it. We feel it. The dreaded time crunch. Trying to fit it all in-family time, a thriving career, an amazing intimate relationship, time to ourself for self care, time with friends, time with family, time to focus on our intellectual growth, and time to focus on our spiritual growth.
I know that feeling all too well-where I feel like I am scattering pieces of myself all over the place so all dimensions of my life are thriving. At times, I found myself exhausted, frustrated, hopeless and resentful. I knew that what I was doing was not working for me. It was...
Somewhere along the line, we were taught that selflessness is the ultimate show of love...especially as women. You see it all of the time. As women, we were taught to prioritize our family over our own wants and needs. We prioritize ourself last in almost any situation. We sacrifice our calling to climb the corporate ladder because we want a family. Or we sacrifice our family in order to have a thriving career. We make sure every member of our family is taken care of with both their needs and wants, especially our children. How often do we want to join a yoga membership, wellness program, coaching program, or retreat, then hold back because we "can't afford it". Yet we make sure all of our kids are signed up in all the extracurricular activities they want, and have nice cloths and toys regardless of the expense because we will find a way to make it work.
I want to take a moment here to identify the difference...
We hear it all the time. I say it all the time. "Shift your mindset". The way you choose to perceive experiences in your life determines your success, joy and expansion in your life.
To better understand this concept, let us look at the fundamentals. Mindset is how you choose to approach any situation. When you have an open and positive mindset, you are able to see the possibilities in any situation. When you go in with a closed or negative mindset, you are severely limiting your experience to the most negative aspects of any given situation.
So, all we have to do is have a positive mindset? Easy right? How about easier said than done.
For decades we have been conditioned to more of a negative mindset for multiple reasons that include generational patterns that our family engrained in us to 'protect us'. Societal beliefs that create fear and division through news and other forms of media. The fact that we are ...
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