Fitting in While Standing Out
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out”~Dr. Seuss
Let's talk about this amazingly beautiful paradox where we all want to fit in and want to be unique in this world.
Did you know that standing out actually helps you fit in?! Follow me here. When we are authentic, we stand out in the crowd we are amongst. This might be the crowd of our family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, etc. When we allow our true self to shine through, it leads us to find the groups where we do fit in, which is a need.
Psychologist William Glasser discusses one of the basic human needs as to “feel a sense of belonging”. In the hierarchy of needs, love and belonging is the 3rd basic need after physiological and safety needs. Cognitive behavioral compassion theory recognizes that mammals survive in community. What happens when we have such an ingrained human need, as well as the need to know we are uniquely made? An opportunity for growth!
We are created to grow, change, and expand. When we grow, we are in need of more support. We want to enter into a group where you will get the support you need (to push us to move past our comfort zone), but we also want validation from the group of how to fit in and that we are unique. It's a conundrum!
So how can we maneuver through this season of growth? I am so glad you asked! Here are a few tips:
- Know thyself. Gain clarity of your values. Not the ones prescribed to you by your family, society, peers, teachers, etc. The things in life that you value. Many times, we live by the values and beliefs created for us through our family, and we don't really question if those values truly align with us as we grow and expand. It's time to revisit our values and get curious about whether or not they still apply. This is the first step because it will lead us to the "right" group for us.
- Accept. Move through all of life, especially your own growth and expansion, with curiosity and compassion. As you explore your values, you may find that some of them do not align with the beliefs you were brought up believing. Be extra kind and accepting of yourself during this time because a lot of fear can live in this space. We begin challenging the beliefs we were raised on, and this process will shake our foundation in the best, and scariest way. Donny Epstein states “You might ask yourself if you are losing your mind. Let’s hope so because it’s not yours anyways”.
- Release. Let go of the limiting beliefs that keep you from truly living your life out loud. Thoughts like “I don’t deserve __”, or “I am not enough ____”. Release the fears of others' judgments, rejection, and criticism. Often times, our fears of this are often a projection of our own criticism towards ourself. In the process, you will find that you need to release objects and people. This is where faith comes into play as well as courage. First comes the faith that those who are meant to be in your life will rise to the occasion with you. Then we need courage to release those individuals who no longer align with your Authentic Self and Values.
- Elevate. We raise our standards for ourself and match our vibration with our Highest Self. We often hold ourself back to fit the mold of what we believe others expect from us. We live by the standards of our family, society, peers, etc. This is often a lower standard so we can fit into a place where we don’t belong because that is all we have known. We dim our light. We choose careers that don’t fulfill us. We date people who energetically hold us back. We become a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. This will only dull our edges and break our soul. It is time we ascend to our Authentic Self and be true to that self. Keep commitments to yourself. Put yourself first. We have to make space for more joy, peace, excitement, adventure, and love.
- Find the signs. Signs and opportunities are constantly here. When we elevate, nothing around us necessarily changes immediately. It is our perception that changes. We look at things with a more positive spin and attitude. We see the silver linings. What we once thought of as obstacles, we now see as opportunities. When this happens, we begin to notice others who are vibing at the same elevated mood and frequency. We attract what we put out. This will not only bring us new opportunities of growth and expansion, it will also bring our community of like minded individuals. This is when everything has the opportunity to change. All we have to do is open the door.
“If you feel as if you don’t fit into this world, it’s because you’re meant to create a better one”~Author Unknown