Is It Love or a Loop? The Soul Connection I Can’t Shake—and What It’s Teaching Me

It’s been over two decades. And still—he finds me.

He reaches out. Appears in my dreams. Crosses my mind when I least expect it, like some silent pull that tugs on the deepest part of me.

We’ve never had a traditional relationship. We haven’t seen each other in years. And yet, there’s something between us that refuses to disappear.

He’s a Capricorn. I’m an Aries. That alone is enough fire and earth to build—and burn down—an empire.

From the beginning, there was an energy I couldn’t name. Like I knew him. Like he knew me. Even after years of silence, he always seems to return—through a phone call, a message, or simply a wave of emotion that floods my heart with memories.

And I? I’ve always answered.

The Cosmic Chemistry and the Chaos

There’s something maddening about the way he shows up.

There are days I feel strong. Certain. Grounded in who I am now. And then—his name appears on my phone. And in an instant, it’s like the wind gets knocked out of me.

My heart drops. My stomach twists. I feel a rush of excitement, like a drug I haven’t touched in years. It’s euphoric. Dizzying.

And then comes the frustration.

How does he still have this power over me?
Why am I spiraling again?
Why do I still care?

It’s like being thrown into an emotional tailspin—hope, anger, longing, sadness, joy—all crashing into each other at once.

Through astrology, soul work, and a lot of self-reflection, I’ve come to understand that some connections aren’t meant to last.

They’re meant to wake us up.

He’s been that for me—again and again. A mirror. A trigger. A lighthouse in the fog. But also a storm I’ve had to learn how to survive.

Is It Love or a Loop?

Recently, I’ve had to ask myself the questions I once avoided:

• Am I holding onto a memory or a potential, rather than the truth of what this is now?
  
  
• Do I feel more alive... or more stuck when I think of him?
  
  
• Is this connection feeding my soul—or just my longing?
  
  

The truth? It’s both.

There’s something sacred in the pull. But I’ve also realized—I’ve been feeding a dream, not building a life. And that dream, as beautiful as it was, has become a loop I no longer want to relive.

The Soul Lesson

Not every soul we recognize is meant to stay forever.

Some are here to reflect our shadow. Others, to activate our light.
Some stir us awake so we can remember who we really are.

I believe this connection—this on-again, off-again, always-in-my-heart pull—was never about being together.

It was about coming home to myself.

He appears when I’m at the edge of transformation. When I’m about to evolve. When I’m stepping deeper into my purpose.

Maybe that’s what he was always meant to do: not to love me forever, but to remind me that I’m worth loving deeply—by me, first.

My Reclamation: The Moment I Chose Me

Something shifted this time.

I didn’t just reflect on the pattern. I didn’t just cry and wait for the feeling to pass.
I reclaimed my energy. My worth. My life.

I looked at the version of me who would drop everything for a single message—and I held her in love, then told her gently:
You don’t have to live like that anymore.

I don’t need breadcrumbs from a ghost. I don’t need to wait for a maybe, a someday, a flicker of potential that never fully arrives.

I am not someone’s unfinished business.
I am not a back-up plan.
I am not a cosmic “what if.”

I am a full-bodied YES—to my own heart, my own joy, my own becoming.

And that was the moment I took my power back—not with a roar, but with a whisper so steady it shook the ground beneath me.

My Ritual of Release

I created a ritual to release him—not in grief, but in honor.

I wrote the letter I’d never send. I lit a candle. I cried. I breathed. I felt the energetic threads between us start to soften.

And then I whispered to the fire:

“If we are meant to meet again in this life, let it be in truth, in wholeness, in divine alignment. If not, thank you for the activation. I return to myself now.”

It was the most powerful goodbye I’ve ever spoken—not to him, but to the part of me that thought I needed him to feel worthy.

The Power of Choosing You

If you’re reading this and you have your own “him,” I want you to know—you’re not crazy. That pull? It’s real. That ache? It's sacred.

But so is your power.

You get to choose whether the connection is still feeding your expansion—or simply keeping you on a spiritual treadmill.

You are allowed to choose peace over potential. Truth over longing. Yourself over a loop.

Because sometimes, the greatest love story you’ll ever live is the one you write… when you finally choose to come home to you.