“Identification is the primary portal of empathy”~Frans de Waal

I know this could possibly be a controversial topic for the current state of the world and injustices, so please let me preface this by stating this is a call for mindfulness of interdependence. This is a call for love and compassion for ALL. This is not meant to be heard as though I am unaware of the mistreatment and prejudices in the world. What I want to focus on is this belief that we are somehow separate from each other. There is a belief that we do not depend on one another. You may have heard it in statements such as “every man for himself” or “survival of the fittest”. These beliefs are born out of fear and hurt. This extreme individualism is creating an immense amount of suffering.

Through research, science has actually shown that it is “survival together”, rather than “survival of the fittest”. Research has shown that those mammals who live in a community with support and empathy do not just survive, they thriv...

“The only thing constant is change”~Heraclitus

Through the past six months of drastic changes in the world, it has left people feeling unrest and wanting change, confused on how to act and feel, sad about the state of the world, excited for change, angry with how the change has some about, hopeful about changes that are happening, and afraid of the uncertainty of the change. Often feeling all of these emotions within a one minute time frame. I remember seeing posts on social media around the New Year stating things like “so glad 2019 is over” and “goodbye 2019, it was a rough one” and “can’t wait to see what 2020 brings!”. Well, I don’t think one person was anticipating 2020 being this transformational. I bet a lot of people wish they could have the struggles of 2019 back in an offer to trade it for 2020. Being in the helping field, I have seen several different reactions to the changes. I have seen people fall into deep depression. I have seen people become over-controlling, filled w...

I honestly don’t understand why so many people identify a mid-life crisis as something negative…well, ok, ok, I do because I used to be one of them.  Have you ever noticed that when we see someone making drastic changes in their lives at the time around their 40’s or 50’s, we automatically state, with a sad or disgusted face, “they must be going through a mid-life crisis”.  I can admit that I have been that person when I noticed a ‘mid-life criser’ purchasing a sports car, or getting cosmetic surgery, or getting a divorce.  I know, I know.  I was a judgmental asshole.  You don’t have to tell me that since I am now acutely aware!  I am happy to report that every day, I am have become less and less judgmental through increased awareness of my hurtful judgments and having the ability to shift my perceptions and mindset pretty quickly.

In all seriousness though, I would like to make an agreement with you right here and now, to eradicate the negativity connected to our life changes duri...

“Many people are alive, but do not touch the miracle of being alive”~Thich Nhat Hanh

The practice of mindfulness and meditation has been around for thousands of years. Historically, the arrival of mindfulness to the United States is attributed to Jon Kabat-Zinn, the creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic. Mindfulness is now a commonly used term that you will hear in many households. It is estimated that well over 2 million American adults engage in mindfulness practices (AMRA, 2017). One the one hand, I think that number is wonderful. On the other hand, I think we can do so much better than a measly 2 million when you compare it to the overall population of 328 million. It baffles me, quite frankly. After all of the research that proves the many benefits of mindfulness, why in the world are more people NOT practicing?

Let’s take a moment here to discuss some common beliefs, or what I consider to be excuses created out of fear of our conditioned self, of meditation and mindfulness:

...

Have you ever thought about what it would be like if your inner voice was actually a person? Would you spend time with this person? Is this person the kind of person you would call a friend? Does this person resemble your values?

For me, the answer was a resounding NO. There is no way I would want to spend time with a constant worrier. Someone who is always harshly criticizing herself for all that she is and is not. Living in the “could’s” and “should’s”. I “could” have done that better. I “should” not feel this way. A professional woman consistently living in a state of perfectionism and need to “keep it all together”, which only led to a feeling of constant burnout in all areas of her life and never feeling “enough”. Who would want to hang out with someone who comes from a state of scarcity rather than abundance, keeping her in a state of yearning for a life filled with abundance and freedom from emotional suffering. I think you get the picture. Not pretty...

"I have no need for the past...I did not consider that the past might have a need for me"~Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

This picture is the perfect depiction of my mother.  Come rain or shine, joy or anguish, physically ill or emotionally scarred, my mother has always been there for me.  In this picture, she wanted so badly for all of her kids, as well as her first and only grandchild that the time, to have an amazing time at Universal Studios.  We were determined to have a time to remember, despite the downpour, which we did.  We all watched as my daughter, Maya, was amazed on the rides and we indulged in her every request.  It was a great day filled with family and laughter and a whole lot of love.

As I reflect on my childhood, this is what I remember about my mom: She was hardworking.  She loved to laugh.  She loved music.  She loved to plan trips and we took amazing annual camping trips that lasted10 full days-traveling all over the United States.  She loved to travel.  She...

As a child, I always had a WILD imagination. I loved to pretend play…anywhere I was. This included church services on Sundays and school days when I attended a Catholic school. I vividly remember strange stares from onlookers as I pretended to have an entire tea party while sitting in the pew, opening up imaginary cabinets to take down the tea kettle and cups. Setting up the imaginary table. Sipping on my imaginary cup. I was 8 years old at the time of this memory. I began getting in trouble for not paying attention in church. I began hearing from others, wether through judgmental stares or actual words, that this behavior and my wild imagination, was unacceptable. This is when I started to quiet my mind and creativity. This is when I began worrying about what others thought of me and listened to what they expected from me. I look at this 8 year old from my current Loving Wise Adult and imagine scooping her up to whisper “don’t ever let anyone tell you to dim your light”.

As I moved i...

There are so many signals throughout my life that were trying to let me know that I was slowly losing myself. The hurt and pain was a big signal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the words or understand what exactly the hurt was trying to tell me. I only knew I felt empty and lost. I only knew that I was trying to soothe myself with any way possible and I was leaving a path of destruction in my wake. I felt horrible and shameful for all of the devastation throughout my life. It is very true that “hurt people hurt people”. I could see what I was doing in the moment, and couldn’t stop it. The need to feel comfort was more overwhelming than suffering the consequences. I was caught in a shame spiral.

I always turned to poetry and music for my inner expressions. At 16 years of age, my favorite poet was Edgar Allen Poe and my favorite bands included Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. I was bulimic and self-harming almost every single day. I was cutting classes to go use alcohol or drugs. I was...