5 Questions to Ask Yourself to Clarify if You are Living #YourBestLife
This movement of #bestlife has been around on social media for quite some time. Despite the positive connotation, this concept has created some controversy. There are some that believe this concept is only for the "financially privileged" and is "unattainable" for 'normal people'. Some believe it leads to a state of constant comparison that is unattainable, which may be true based upon what your idea of living your best life entails. Living your best life is completely subjective.
I do not consider myself "financially privileged" in any sense. I know my life is abundant, and I didn't come from a financially endowed family nor have I ever had a trust fund ever in my life. I do believe in the movement and ability to live #yourbestlife without a hefty bank account. Living your best life is so much more than lavish trips and spa days.
So, what does it mean to live #yourbestlife?
Over the past year, I have been in a state of re-evaluation. Not because of the comparison to others, but the comparison of myself to...well...myself. At each season of my life, I felt this continuous 'tug' at my soul. This nagging feeling from the Universe telling me I was out of alignment and there was 'something more and different' for me.
Prior to this past year, I spent most of my life convincing myself that I was living my #bestlife, which is hilarious because this is what my life actually looked like:
I spent most of my waking hours at work. When I was home, I was worrying about work. And the times I wasn't worrying about work and achievements, I became consumed about how I wasn't a good enough wife, mother, daughter, sister. My 'free time' was filled with things I thought I "should" be doing. I lacked connection and vulnerability with my husband.
Don't get me wrong...I absolutely had moments of bliss and happiness, experiences and adventures, and love and laughter. Those seemed so fleeting compared to the state of constant worry and sadness that enveloped most of my day.
This depiction does not scream #bestlife does it? What is crazy is that I had convinced myself that I was living this amazing life. What I didn't realize at that time is that I was living out of my conditioned self-what and how family generations and society told me I "should" be living and what others expected from me. There is a key element that I was forgetting to implement-my own Life Vision and Purpose. I lost myself and what my #bestlife looked like.
If you are coming to this realization, or if you are noticing that tug from the Universe, then here are some questions to clarify right now!
- What are my values? Values and goals are different. Values include how you want to live your life. Goals are the specific ways you are going to execute your values. I love the list of values in Brene Brown's book "Dare to Lead", but you can reach online for any list of values to explore. Be sure to be honest with yourself while you are determining your values. This is not an exploration of what society or family tells you what your values "should" be...these are the values that are important to you regardless. For instance, one of my values is having fun. This is not always looked upon kindly as an adult. Society, and family, tells us that we have obligations and we have to put our family obligations and responsibilities first. While that may be true at times, I can still have fun and be silly while adulting!
- Do my values align with my daily actions? Am I doing things out of obligation? Or because they matter to me? What am I saying yes to and what am I saying no to? Family has always been one of my values. I love spending time with my husband and kids. I love spending time with my extended family. Over the past decade, and particularly over the past five or so years, this value was not shown in my daily actions. As explained earlier, I would spend most of my time working and worrying. This definitely took away from my family. As I re-evaluated my behaviors, I noticed this incongruence and chose to make some pretty drastic changes to my life. I am not saying all changes have to be drastic...it was just the way I chose because I am a dramatic person!
- What are the daily actions I can take today to align with my values? Now that you have identified that your behaviors are not aligning with your values, what are your daily goals to re-align with your values? These are more of the small steps. For instance, I would say "no" to working later hours and on the weekends when I was working towards the alignment of my family value. When I was approached by my boss or employees about being available during 'off hours', it helped to ask myself "If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?". So, when asked if I would attend a networking event outside of regular business hours, I would make the decision based upon family events...if my daughter had a softball game, or I hadn't been able to put my kids to bed in several days, I would say no.
- What is my mindset? Am I living from a state of scarcity or a state of abundance? Am I blaming external forces for my situation, or am I taking responsibility for how I am choosing to live my life? There are several mindset shifts I needed to make in order to move into my #bestlife. Our mindset is very much created by our conditioned self. Our mindset took years and years of training to believe the way it does. It takes quite a bit of daily work and inner healing to shift that perspective. Where I used to live in a state of constant scarcity, I now see the Abundance of the Universe. Where I used to see obstacles, I now see Opportunities. Where I used to strive for perfectionism and achievements, I now see Internal Self Worth. What is your mindset and what do you need to shift?
- Who is my Tribe? Who am I choosing to surround myself with? Have you ever heard of the saying "Birds of a feather flock together?". This is SO true! So when we evaluate our values, it is important to recognize if those we surround ourself with also encompass those values. I value kindness and compassion. I value continuous growth. I value expansion and connection. If I am not surrounding myself with those with similar values, then I am keeping myself small and stuck. I remember when I actually evaluated my friendships. There were some I let go of, and some I worked harder at keeping because I realized the importance of nurturing these friendships.
Now that you have the steps to begin your #bestlife, it is up to YOU. You can choose to stay stuck or you can choose to begin taking the steps necessary to live a life beyond amazing!
Sending much love and light, LJ