7 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Searching for My Life’s Purpose

I remember sitting in my office years ago — beautiful corner desk, framed diplomas, the “dream job” I thought I wanted. I had climbed the ladder, checked the boxes, achieved the “success.” And yet… I felt empty.

It wasn’t the dramatic, movie-style emptiness. It was quieter than that. The kind of ache that whispers, “Is this really it?” The kind that sneaks in when you’re alone in your car after work or when you catch yourself envying people who look alive in their lives.

Back then, I believed purpose was something you had to find — like stumbling across a buried treasure under enough hustle, ambition, and achievement. What I didn’t know then (but deeply know now) is that purpose isn’t something you discover in one lightning-bolt “aha” moment. It’s something you cultivate — daily, imperfectly, beautifully.

If you’re in that place of searching, longing, or second-guessing — I want to share the 7 truths I wish someone had told me. They would have saved me years of burnout, confusion, and self-doubt.

1. Purpose Isn’t Found, It’s Cultivated

I used to imagine my purpose was hiding behind some secret door I hadn’t opened yet. Maybe a conference would reveal it. Or a certification. Or the right self-help book.

But the truth? Purpose isn’t out there. It’s right here, being shaped by every “yes” to what lights you up and every “no” to what drains you.

Research from Stanford’s Center on Adolescence shows that purpose develops over time through reflection, action, and community engagement — not sudden discovery. It’s a process, not a prize.

Looking back, I see that my purpose wasn’t hiding at all. It was forming every time I created space for a woman to feel seen. Every time I sat with someone in their mess. Every time I chose authenticity over image.

Lesson: Don’t wait for lightning. Start planting seeds.

2. Clarity Comes Through Action, Not Thinking

Oh, the years I wasted in analysis paralysis. Journaling until my hand cramped. Reading all the self-help books. Creating lists, plans, “someday” visions. Waiting until I felt ready.

Spoiler: I never felt ready.

The first retreat I launched? Terrifying. The first time I spoke on stage? My voice literally shook. But it was in the doing — not the overthinking — that clarity came.

Psychologist Albert Bandura’s research on self-efficacy shows this isn’t just anecdotal. Confidence and clarity are built when we take action, succeed (or fail and learn), and prove to ourselves: I can do this.

One study found that people who took small, consistent risks reported a 25% increase in self-belief compared to those who only reflected or planned.

Lesson: Stop waiting for confidence before you act. Confidence is born in the action.

3. Purpose is Felt, Not Just Defined

For years, I tortured myself with mission statements and business plans. What’s the perfect wording? The one true north? The title that would prove I was aligned?

But purpose isn’t just a sentence you write down. It’s an energy. A way of being.

Positive psychology research on “flow” shows people feel most alive when their work aligns with their values. Flow isn’t about what you’re doing as much as how you’re showing up.

Even when I was in a corporate role, I was living out pieces of my purpose: mentoring young women on my team and in my field, creating safe spaces for clients, and speaking truth, even when it was unpopular. The title wasn’t the purpose. The energy was.

Lesson: Pay attention to the moments you feel most alive. That’s your purpose speaking.

4. Your Wounds and Gifts Are Connected

I thought my wounds disqualified me. My burnout. My patterns of self-silencing. The deep grief of losing my dad at just 57.

But over time I realized: my greatest pain had carved out my deepest compassion. The very things I thought made me “less than” became the foundation for my mission.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl wrote: “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.”

A 2019 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who reframed past struggles into growth reported 61% higher life meaning than those who saw challenges as random misfortune.

Lesson: Your pain isn’t wasted. It’s part of your power.

5. Purpose Evolves With You

I used to panic about “getting it right.” Like purpose was a test with one correct answer.

But the truth? Purpose evolves. My mission at 25 looked different from what it does at 45. And it will look different again at 65. The thread is the same — but the expression changes as I do.

Gallup research shows only 30% of people feel deeply engaged in their work at any given time. Why? Because as we grow, what fulfills us shifts.

Lesson: Don’t box yourself in. Purpose isn’t a destination. It’s a spiral.

6. Community Reflects Your Brilliance

I used to think I had to figure it out alone — white-knuckling my way to clarity. The truth is, we often can’t see ourselves clearly until someone else reflects us.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest-running study on happiness, shows relationships and community are the strongest drivers of meaning.

It was in circles of women, mentorship, and vulnerable conversations that I finally saw what I couldn’t on my own: my gifts, my brilliance, my calling.

Lesson: Don’t search alone. Let others reflect you.

7. The Search Is the Purpose

This one was the hardest to swallow. I just wanted the answer already! But looking back, I see that the detours, risks, and “failures” weren’t distractions. They were the path.

Purpose isn’t something you arrive at fully formed. It’s lived — choice by choice, moment by moment.

And maybe the point isn’t to “find it” at all. Maybe the point is to live it — now, in small, courageous ways.

Lesson: The path is the purpose.  

Final Reflection

If I could go back and whisper something to the younger me at that corner desk, it would be this:

“Stop searching for the perfect purpose. Start living on purpose. That’s where it will meet you.”

So if you’re in the messy middle of the search right now, take a deep breath. Your mission is already inside you. Let it unfold — imperfect, beautiful, and entirely yours.