5 Ways to Honor Your Grief

This week was an emotionally rough one for me.  Hell...this has been quite the year when I think about it.  I am sure I am not the only one with that experience!

In September, I resigned from my job in Corporate America to focus on my business.  I had been transitioning out over the month of September and this past Tuesday was the very last day I physically went into the office in order to welcome the new Executive Director into my position.  I was surprised with a gathering/celebration from my boss and co-workers.  They presented me with a beautiful heart chakra singing bowl and live music from two of my co-workers that literally brought me to tears.  

It was all finally hitting me.  I hadn't grieved over moving on from this job until that day.  I was leaving the best corporation, boss, and co-workers I ever had in my Professional career. I cried throughout the entire gathering.  There were tears of mourning for the connection I had with all of these amazing souls.  It is important to recognize that I was grieving the past 15 years of climbing the corporate ladder at substance abuse treatment facilities.  I was saying goodbye to the building of treatment programs,  connection with co-workers, achievements and hard work (aka. long hours), crisis and chaos (aka. even more long hours).  Now, I know some of you are confused...I 'should' be jumping for joy, right?!  I know, and I have and still am.

I am also honoring the part of me that is sad and grieving.  With the long hours came so many moments of helping others through crisis, whether it was a client or co-worker.  With the achievements came the exhilarating feeling of creating and actually seeing the outcome of all my hard work.  With chaos of the work came the adrenalin of acting swiftly with a team to help save lives.  With the arguments over the best approach to take with a client or a program direction came the camaraderie after we agreed to disagree and still laughed with each other throughout the day.  

My tears were also those of overwhelming joy.  I was also allowing myself to honor all of these beautiful souls who I had the opportunity to get to know on both a professional and personal level.  I was celebrating the fact that my leaving created a space for the perfect fit to come into my position-I happen to know this for a fact because she is one of my closest girl friends.  My moving on allowed space for my creation in my business, which in turn allowed space for a better quality of life and alignment of purpose for her beautiful soul.  I cried at the realization of life's interconnection.  I cried with overwhelming gratitude for the abundance of the Universe.  

So you see...grieving does not just hold space for one emotion.  We must allow all emotions to show up in their fullest extent.  We must allow ourselves to honor all emotions that present themselves during our process.  

Here are some realization through this experience of grieving that may help you through yours:

1. Embrace Emotions-One moment you may be laughing and the next you may be crying.  Who knows...you might end up laughing and crying all in the same breath!  There is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to feel about your loss or life transition. Allow your emotions to flow and simply stay curious about them rather than shaming yourself for the feeling.  What are your emotions trying to tell you?  Let them soak in.  Honor them.  
2. Self Compassion-I want you to take a moment to think about all of the transitions you have had through just in this past year.  By simply acknowledging  all of the transitions I have moved through, I allowed myself to offer some much needed self compassion.  I endured the loss of my father, quitting smoking, the pandemic-which includes moving my family through the transition, as well as my staff and program through the transition-leaving my job and leaving the professional addiction world that I have known for the past 15 years, and starting my own business.  These are all changes with some aspect of loss and grief connected to them.  As I list these changes, I offer myself love and compassion for doing the best I could at any given moment. I offer words of grace, encouragement, and celebration for moving through each of these huge moments of transition. 
3. Self Care-This needs to be happening daily. When you are moving through a moment, or season, of grief, it is imperative to stay connected with what you need to nourish and nurture yourself throughout the day.  The morning after my last day at my Corporate job, I 'lolly gagged' around my house drinking coffee, listening to music and writing in my journal.  Then I took a bubble bath before heading into my office.  Take time out for you without feeling guilty.  By engaging in daily self care, you are able to prevent burnout and  actually be present with those you love.  It's a worthwhile commitment for sure! 
4. Support-Who are you surrounding yourself with?  Are they complaining with you? Telling you that life sucks and the Universe is against you?  Those are not the people you want around you during times of grief. Surround yourself with those who will be present with you throughout all of your emotions, who lift you up, who don't have to say a word and you can feel their support.  Those are my people.  
5. Gratitude-Offer gratitude in all situations.  A daily gratitude list is clutch in moving through grief.  To be able to see the silver lining is a skill.  We are not born with this attitude of gratitude.  We make the conscious decision each day to live in gratitude.  We practice it until it becomes a way of living.  And then we practice it more.  I am filled with gratitude for the time I had with my dad, and all the aspects of him I continue to carry with me.  I am filled with gratitude for the amazing job during my departure from the Corporate world. I am filled with gratitude when I take note of all of the mentors and experiences I have had throughout my life.  I also write out 10 gratitudes every single morning-not a list...a full sentence of what and why.  Give it a go and see if it positively impacts your outlook and life!  

During this time of rapid change and transitions, how are you allowing yourself to move through your grief?

Sending much love and light, LJ