Self Sabotage-Why We Do It
Have you ever had the experience of being at the top of your game, feeling amazing, and on top of the word, only to have it crashing down on you in either a few hours, days, or weeks?
Self sabotage is a sneaky bugger. It works on such an unconscious level that often, we are not aware of our decline until we are well on our path of destruction. As an adult, I can reflect on so many forms of self destruction in my early years. There were so many tactics I had to push people away so I could reassure myself that I wouldn't get hurt. I had created so many forms of self destruction that reinforced 'my place in the world' and that I would not become 'too sure' and egotistical of myself. As we move into adulthood, we are able to reflect on our immature forms of self sabotage, but what about the stealthier forms as we mature? Before we get into the forms of self sabotage (which will be a training on 5/7/21@11am in The Essentially Zenful Facebook Page), let's look at the reasons we sabotage when things are going amazingly in life.
Here are some of the top reasons we engage in self sabotaging behaviors:
1. We lack self worth. We could be aware of our lack of worth, or it could be hidden so brilliantly under lots of 'success' and 'achievements'. If you are self sabotaging in your life, it is very possible you may have a part of you-way deep down-that doesn't believe you are worthy of...happiness, success, a healthy relationship, financial wealth, supportive friends, etc. When I was going through an up-leveling process in my business, there was a part of me that was actually shouting "who do you think you are?" in the terms of thinking I could actually live out my big life dream and purpose. That was a sign of my lack of self worth, regardless of how successful I may have become since starting my business.
2. We fear success. This is crazy, right?! Don't we all want to be successful? And when I talk about success, I am speaking of personal, professional, and spiritual success, whatever that might mean, feel like, and look like for you. What will happen when we finally obtain our career goal? What will happen when we have an amazing relationship with our beloved? What will happen when I reach all of my goals? We all have stories created in our head about these when we finally achieve our dreams-some are super cool and some are filled with fear. We may fear success because of the responsibility it places on us. We may not want to have that many people depend on us. We may not want to have to do the work it takes to create the success we want. We may fear judgment of others as we succeed. We may fear the loss of those we love as we expand into success. These fears hold us back and as we inch closer to succeeding, we may find old unhelpful behaviors popping back up.
3. We want to control. We love control. We fear the unknown. When we actually take courageous actions towards our truest desires and purpose, this leaves us open and vulnerable. We are stepping out into the great unknown. In order to create a sense of control, we begin self sabotaging. Most of the time it is an unconscious form of controlling. We may sit back and wonder what in the heck happened when things were going so well and now it's all fallen to shit. Our unconscious, or what I refer to as the Conditioned Self in my Next Level Life Purpose Coaching Program , is striving for safety, though it is a false sense of safety. It is pulling us back into the known of complacency.
4. We want to blame. Taking responsibility for our reality can be very scary. If I create my reality, that means I have created my suffering. That means I have to take responsibility and some may not be ready to do that. Because when we release blame, it means it is up to us as to what reality we create. So, if my current reality is filled with doubt and hurt, then it is I who creates the doubt and hurt, which means it is up to me to heal and create a different reality. This was a particularly difficult one for me to embrace. I often blamed my husband for my need to overwork and miss all of the important parts of life. Once I realized my workaholic behaviors and the root causes, I was able to release that blame and change my reality. It was hard, and it was freeing.
5. We are bored. This was definitely a pattern I fell into without realizing it. I would create chaos because I never really knew what stability looked and felt like, as I grew up in a chaotic household. Don't get me wrong...I grew up with my parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, cousins. Our family was large and extensive. It was filled with love in the way we all knew how to love each other. It was also filled with dysfunction and alcoholism. So, coming from a large, and dysfunctional, family, I always felt comfortable in chaos. So comfortable that it came to the point where I created chaos everywhere I went and in every relationship I was in. What I had to get more comfortable with was stability and what I considered 'boredom'. A friend of mine had a mantra that I adopted "Boring is Good". I would say that quietly and out loud when I had the urge to 'stir things up'.
If any of these triggered you to have an emotional or physical reaction, you might want to pay closer attention. Get quiet and get honest with yourself. Do you self sabotage? Get curious, without judgment about your reasons. You are the only one who can end unhelpful patterns and transform your life.
To learn more about the top self sabotaging behaviors as you personally grow and expand past self limiting beliefs, be sure to join me Friday 5/7@11am in the Essentially Zenful Facebook Page.
To learn more about the Next Level Life Purpose Coaching Program, be sure to check out the Essentially Zenful Website.
Sending much love and light, LJ