5 Steps to Heal Your Inner Critic

Overwhelmed, exhausted, happy, anxious, hopeful, fearful, connected, optimistic and sad.  That explains my state of mind and emotions over this past week.  

Today, my husband left for a job in another state.  We are not sure how long he will be staying there, but we are hopeful it is for at least a few months.  This was an anticipated and exciting move for our family since he started his own business early last week.  Now, everything is changing.   

Over the past few months, I quit my corporate job and left the professional field of substance abuse treatment that I have known for the past 15 years.  I started my own business and picked up a very part time gig at a local college.  My husband quit his job and started his own business.  I know, right?!  Crazy and exciting.  Add the pandemic into the mix and we are in one crazy season!

As I was walking through the grocery store with all 3 of my kids, 2 of which were running around the cart while playing, I noticed an all too familiar voice.  It was a voice inside of me.  It was the voice that began SO many years ago...about 35 years ago to be more precise.  This voice says the worst things to me.  She is horrible and demeaning.  She is my inner critic, or as I refer to as the 'conditioned self'.  

Today, I noticed her saying things like:

~"Your business will never make it because you are not good enough"

~"It will be all your fault if your business doesn't make it and your kids can't have Christmas"

~"You are so stupid for leaving a secure and stable job"

~"You think women are going to listen to you?! You are no Brene Brown, Kristen Neff, Rachel Hollis or Glennon Doyle"

~"What are you going to do when you can't pay the bills because your business failed?"

As I notice these thoughts flooding my head, I started noticing my breath and my feet against the floor.  I started taking deep breaths.  I felt the coolness of the shopping cart in my hands.  I repeated my grounding mantra "You are safe and life is good".  I slowly gained more control over my thoughts and emotions.  I slowly began re-aligning with my Authentic Self, who is connected to my Life's Purpose-the reason I began my own business-and connected with my Spiritual Connection and spiritual guides.  

As annoying and pesky as our inner critic is, this part of us is in the business of trying to keep us safe.  It is that part of us that has been conditioned to follow the rules of our elders (who also happen to be in their conditioned self most of the time), and conditioned to look for external validation for signs of approval and conditioned to stay small. Our inner critic keeps us safe from the emotional pain of failure, rejection and external judgment.  

All of this safety comes at a very steep price though.  This safety requires that we stay small and stay out of alignment from our Life Purpose.  It requires that we stay put in certain jobs or relationships where we are unhappy.  This safety requires us to fully believe that we are limited in our spiritual gifts.  It requires us to doubt our internal value, worth and abilities.  It requires we stay in a state of emotional pain and suffering.  

I have lived in alignment with my Conditioned Self for far too long, and every single day, I take courageous steps to align with my Authentic Self and Life Purpose.  This does not mean that my inner critic just vanishes, as you can see by the experience I had just earlier today!  It means that I take courageous actions in the face of my conditioned self. 

Here are five ways you can heal your inner critic starting today:

1. Increase awareness.  How will you know when your inner critic is showing up when you are not even aware of it.  Now that you have a name for this part of your inner dialogue, you will be able to notice it more quickly.  One way of increasing awareness is to keep track of how often it shows up throughout your day.

2. Get curious.   Now that you are noticing when your inner critic is showing up, work to not judge or shame this part of you.  Get curious about what it is telling you.  Opening up to this part of you with curiosity allows you to better understand yourself.  

3. Create loving statements.  These statements are not just simple affirmations.  Through your curiosity, you have been able to understand what this hurt part of you needs in the moment.  For instance, what I needed when I was walking through the grocery store today was an immense amount of compassion, which sounded like:

~"You have gone through so many changes in the past year and you are doing amazing with these transitions"

~"You have come to this Earth with so many amazing gifts and how beautiful that you are finally allowing yourself to align with your Life's Purpose".

Can you see how these statements differ from affirmations.  These are more specific to what my inner critic is telling me.  What is your loving statement for today?

4. Spiritual Connection.  Make it a point to connect with your Spiritual Connection daily.  Your Spiritual Connection sees you for all of the amazing gifts you came into this world to offer.  It sees you in complete perfection for your uniqueness and offers unconditional love.  Your Spiritual Connection is constantly cheering you on and supporting your Authentic Self and Life Purpose.  Through this connection, you are able to receive this unconditional love and it will even love the inner critic until it becomes quiet. 

5. Assign your Inner Critic a new job.  I absolutely love this part.  Once you realize how much time you spend in your Conditioned Self, and you spend more time in your Authentic Self, you will see how much spare time you actually have!!!  What are you going to do with all of this extra time?!  Dance lessons? Hiking? Taking up a new hobby?  The possibilities are endless!  Have fun with this one!

Now that you have this roadmap of healing, how will you choose to transform your life?!

Sending much love and light, LJ