How to Stop the Excuses and Start Living
Did you know that 50% of women say they give up on their dreams and are unsatisfied with their life according to SK II Global Dreams Index Survey. When I read this, my heart sank. I know what it is like to be in that space. I felt it hard several times throughout my professional career. I would look around at my amazing life and wonder why I felt so lost and sad. On the outside, it appeared as if I had it all-the job, the marriage, the kids, the house, the cars, the friends, the vacations with family. So why was I feeling so depressed, anxious, and so unfulfilled?
In November 2019, I had my awakening. I realized that I gave up on myself...I gave up on my dream. I was meant to be living a different life. A life that I pushed aside for over a decade. A life that my soul was quietly urging me to embrace time and time again. And no matter how many times I heard this voice, I would quickly, and sometimes not so quickly, shush it away and keep going in the unfulfilling direction. I was holding onto so many limiting beliefs that kept me stuck in this pattern of avoiding the risk I knew was necessary to begin living my most fulfilling life. Here's the kicker...all of my excuses for not taking the courageous steps are so believable-to myself and to everyone around me!
Here are my favorite excuses that kept me stuck living someone else's life and dream for a decade. They all started with "I will figure it out and take those steps when..."
1. When things settle down. Being a wife, mom of 3, and Director of a brand new treatment facility kept me pretty busy. Add in all 3 kids playing sports and 2 kids that struggle in school which all created a tightly packed schedule. I had every single reason in the world that I just couldn't begin living my dream. People needed me to be on my "A" game-my family and work specifically. I felt like I didn't even have time to think about what I wanted in life. Which brings me to my next excuse.
2. When I have enough time. There's no way I could start a business while working full time. Where would I have time for my husband and the kids? When would I have fun? When would I get to enjoy life? When would I sleep? I believed I would need to make some serious sacrifices to be able to begin living my life's dream and purpose. I would have to sacrifice my happiness and joy while I worked endless hours at the job that actually paid the bills, and then even more hours at night and weekends creating the business I yearned for. Truth be told, I was already working endless hours for someone else's dream in my career as the Director of a treatment facility.
3. When I have enough money. This is a very common one for not only myself, but for all of the women I speak with. I worried about the money. I am the breadwinner in my family. I have been for the past 12 years. One of my greatest fears was leaving my cushy corporate job that provided us with the money to go on paid vacations, give us health insurance, a 401K and offer the stability of a paycheck, for the unknown of building a business.
Now here are the hard truths within these lies we tell ourself:
1. Life will never settle down. It's life! It's exciting! It's abundant! It's chaotic! And it is beautiful! The only thing constant is change. Embrace the change. Embrace chaos. Our sense of security within control is a mirage. Life is meant to be lived, and lived to the fullest. If we are not following our passions, then what is the point? Where is your sense of urgency to creating the life of your dreams? We are not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. Let's act like it!
2. We are the creators of time. We all have the same 1,440 minutes we wake up with daily-which we will look at as 1,000 minutes when we take time for sleeping, eating, and showering. Every single day we are all just as rich in time as Oprah Winfrey, Rachel Hollis, Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates. It is time we take responsibility for how we spend our time and energy. Do you scroll through social media for 15 minutes or do you take that time to make a few networking connections for your business? Do you binge watch a Netflix series for 5 hours (yes...I looked up the stats....that is the average for a binge watching sess!), or do you work on your business plan? The choice is always in your hands. And before you counter that with "not all time is in my hands...what about the crisis situations?!" (as I know I used to do this), I want you to think about how many actual crises take place in a week/month/year. And just to be clear, the crisis I am referring to is one of intense physical danger that indicates either recovery or death... not "my boss needs this document/budget ASAP and I need to be sure I do this, even if it means missing my kids softball game" type of crisis.
3. Money is a mindset. This one is a hard one to swallow, but stay with me here. This is very similar to the concept that we create our own time. According to Suh Yoon Lee, Korean wealth guru, every single person of the 7.8 billion people in this world has the capacity to earn $3-$7 million in their lifetime. This means that we have the opportunity to create millions, regardless of our background, SES, upbringing, etc. I always thought that only the "trust fund babies" or those who were born into wealth were able to create that type of wealth. The more I study Manifestation and Abundance, the more I have come to know that I am also able to create this wealth. Did I need to take financial risks? Yes I did. Did I make 3x's my monthly income of when I was an Executive in corporate? Yes I did. When we say to ourself, and our Life Purpose and Dream, "We will take that leap when we have more money", we are working from a scarcity mindset. This mindset keeps us in a state of wanting and never having. I strongly encourage you to read The Having by Suh Yoon Lee and Jooyun Hong to gain a stronger grasp of this concept. Also, a side note....think about how many useless things you buy every week/month/year. Did you really need another pair of shoes? Did you really need another designer purse? Did your kids really need another video game? Did your kids really need another toy to throw in the toy box? Did you really need to buy another self help book to put next to the 3 on your bedside that you still need to get around to reading? I think we could all put our money to better use, don't you?!
And finally. The biggest lie of them all. Drumroll please....
"I will do it tomorrow".
We are never guaranteed tomorrow. That is the cold truth that I came to realize after the death of my father. He was only 57. He was considered "healthy" by Doctors. which was always baffling to me since he drank heavily every night and smoked like 2 packs of cigarettes a day. He wasn't feeling well one day and went into the ER. From there, he stayed in ICU for 40 days before he passed away. He was a man who loved to laugh, loved music, loved to party, and was living a life that was never meant for him. He was creative and innovative. He was stuck in the limiting beliefs that he had to stay in a stable job and give up his dreams. He was always inventing fun things, but always as a side gig. I now see how his soul was dying each day he didn't live according to his dreams...according to his life's purpose.
His death was the flame that reignited my passion to live. He helped me realize that life is never guaranteed. He helped me to dream again. He helped me to take that risk in myself and my life vision. I am now living in that alignment with my dreams. I am passionate about my work. I have more money than I thought would be possible when I left my corporate job in September 2020. I hav more time with my family. I have more time to live my life.
We are never guaranteed tomorrow. So embrace your dreams. Live your life. Take that risk of aligning with your Life Purpose and Big Life Dream. Today is the day. This moment is the only moment that is guaranteed.
Sending much love and light always, LJ
To join an amazing group of women who are all taking courageous actions towards living out their Big Life Dreams and Purpose, check out the Next Level Life Purpose for Female Trailblazers private FB group.